Embarking on the journey of surrogacy is both an exciting and emotional experience. The first meeting between a surrogate mother and the intended parents can be filled with a wide variety of feelings – from anticipation and curiosity to nervousness and hope. This initial encounter sets the tone for what will be a profound relationship, one that involves trust, shared dreams, and the creation of a new life. In this post, we’ll explore what you, as a surrogate, might expect during this significant meeting, focusing on some key questions to ask that can help you understand the intended parents better as well as some Dos and Don’ts.

Questions to Ask About Their Interests and Hobbies
Understanding the personal lives of the intended parents can give you insight into their character and lifestyle, which is crucial for compatibility. A question like, “What are your interests and hobbies?” can open up a conversation about what they enjoy doing in their free time. Are they outdoor enthusiasts, book lovers, or perhaps they have a passion for art or music? This not only helps in building a personal connection but also gives you an idea of the environment in which the child might grow up.

Exploring Their Desire for Parenthood
Delving into why someone wants to become a parent can reveal their motivations, expectations, and readiness for this journey. Asking, “Why do you want to become parents?” provides a window into their hearts. Are they driven by a long-standing dream of family, a desire to share love, or perhaps to pass on a legacy? Their answers will not only deepen your understanding but also help align your expectations with theirs regarding this surrogacy.

Understanding Their Family Background
Family dynamics play a significant role in how a child is raised. When you ask, “What is your family like?” you’re looking at the broader picture – the support system, cultural background, and familial relationships. This question can reveal if they come from a close-knit family, if extended family will be involved in the child’s life, or if there are any particular challenges or joys they’ve experienced within their family structure.

Cultural and Familial Traditions
Every family has its traditions that give it a unique identity. By asking, “What traditions are you hoping to pass down to your child?” you’re exploring the cultural and moral values they wish to instill. Whether it’s holiday celebrations, traditional foods, or unique family rituals, these insights will help you envision the life your actions will help to shape. It also reflects on how they see their family evolving with the arrival of this child.

What kind of relationship do you expect from a surrogate before, during, and after the surrogacy?
This is crucial for setting boundaries and expectations. Are they looking for a more hands-on relationship or something more distant? How will this change post-birth? You should be sure that you all have a similar view on this before proceeding to make sure your match is as perfect as possible.

Memories from Their Childhood
Finally, understanding what was cherished in their upbringing can be telling. “What are your favorite memories growing up with your family?” invites them to share the joy, love, or even the lessons learned from their past. This not only humanizes the intended parents in your eyes but also gives you a glimpse into what they might hope to replicate or perhaps do differently with their own child.

Meeting the intended parents for the first time is about more than just logistical or contractual discussions; it’s about building a connection that will last beyond the legalities of surrogacy. These questions help to form a bond, ensure compatibility, and set the stage for a nurturing environment for the child. Remember, this journey involves emotional depth, mutual respect, and shared dreams. As you prepare for this meeting, keep an open heart and mind, knowing that you are not just helping to create a family but becoming part of one, even if just for a chapter.

Just a tip,  it’s easy to ramble when you’re nervous, but try to remember that the intended parents are keen to learn about you too! Encourage them to ask questions, and be ready to share your own stories and details about yourself! Also remember that it doesn’t have to happen right away. It can take a couple of conversations for everyone truly relax and open up to one another, and that’s OK!

At The Center for Surrogacy & Egg Donation, we’re here to support you through each step, ensuring that this beautiful journey is as enriching and fulfilling as possible for everyone involved.